The massive arms, perfectly pumped-up pectorals, the cocky-ass look on his face, yes this is the appeal of a bad boy. This man's look screams, "I'm a beat that pussy up."
Bad boys come in all races, and sizes. They can be "tops", some "bottoms". Others are in their 20s, others are approaching 40. They may dominate the corporate world, walk the catwalks of New York Fashion Week, or selling drugs to the neighborhood junkies to survive...
He's independent and willful; he does what he wants when he wants. He doesn't follow trends, they follow him; he often looks scruffy, but hip; he's not looking for trouble, but there's a sense of danger about him, and if trouble finds him-he will handle it accordingly. He says he's going to call, and then goes missing for days on end. He's charming, and no matter what room he enters, he will demand your attention, without even trying.
There is a certain mystique when it comes to bad boys that we just cannot get enough of. His ability to arouse us physically and mentally still remains prevalent, and no matter what our family, friends, and coworkers tell us, they are our "baby", and when they are in full effect our brains go numb. Just ask Rihanna, the late Whitney Houston, Tina Turner, Vivica A. Fox, Fabolous' long-suffering girlfriend Emily, and the list goes on and on. Even after those photos of Rihanna's battered face were released, #Breezy's female fans, and a lot of his homosexual ones, still came to his defense, expressing how if they were beaten by Brown, they would still go back with him. And as we all saw, the "Pour It Up" songstress felt the same way.
The bad boy exudes a certain confidence, he makes his own rules, and keeps the men in his life guessing. There is always an element of mystery surrounding him, he's forbidden, and since the days of the Garden of Eden, the forbidden has always intrigued us. He's generally not the type to bring home to your parents, and you certainly don't want to introduce him to your pastor; but the men who date them don't ever intend on introducing him to anyone of importance in his life, it's a Bonnie and Clyde situation when it comes to him and his thug. Their mannerisms are rude, their mouths filled with expletives, he's selfish and lacks empathy.
There was a study conducted by Peter Jonason of New Mexico University, in which he studied 200 straight-college students to determine why narcissist, liars, and thrill seekers have not become extinct, due to their undesirable traits. The results were that women are more attracted to self-absorbed, liars, and it was these men, the bad boys who had the most sexual partners, and no desire to endure a long-term relationship.
The same can be applied to homosexual men and our obsession with thugs, and why we find these negative qualities to be so damn arousing. Why are we so infatuated, with thug love? Well the explanation isn't as simple as one may think.
In general, confident men are less needy, they don't seek the approval of others, including those whom they are romantically involved with. They are spontaneous, they live in the moment, and who doesn't want an exciting, unpredictable type of love? Bad boys are hard to "lockdown", and since men love the thrill of the chase, it's a challenge for us to try and be the only one who could potentially tame this wild animal. Sometimes men perceive bad boys as being emotionally damaged, and so guys are intrigued by being of such importance, that such men would choose them, open up to.
Thugs are charismatic-they are so good at attracting men that they have a constant influx of new guys coming into their lives, even on their worse days. But still what is it about these men that makes them so damn irresistible Could it be something chemically based?
Ever heard of Dopamine? Dopamine is a pleasure chemical that literally makes us high, a high that is equal to that of the effects of cocaine. It provides us with a rush, and as with a drug addict, once we get that initial high, we will do any and everything to match or top that. We become addicted, addicted to the bad boy type. So what is it in the bad boy that triggers the release of dopamine? Risk! There is a sense of irresistible danger with the bad boy, and danger is said to hold the key to sexual attraction in some people. When we take risk our adrenaline begins to flush our brains, producing lust as well as dopamine, with the end result being arousal. Researchers believe that it is this "risk factor" that explains why so many incarcerated men have women sending them letters, and why men who a drug dealers, egotistical, selfish, etc., are irresistible.
Dopamine never produces negative feelings, it only results in the positive. Researchers believe it produces a sense of "wanting" rather than "liking", and when you want something, you long for it, and will go to the ends of the earth to obtain it. This would explain why sometimes after we breakup with someone, we wonder why we stayed with them so long, and why the process of letting them go took so long.
Researchers have concluded that the risk-taker, bad boy, or the thugs of the world have less dopamine inhibiting receptors, meaning their brains are more saturated with the chemical than others. This would explain why they love to take risk, and are always seeking the next challenge, that has to include some type of danger. They are often the addicts.
Here are some interesting facts about dopamine, and its' affects:
- Dopamine provides feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement. It is a reward. It’s released by food, sex, drugs and aggression.
- Reduced dopamine in the prefrontal cortex is associated with ADD and social anxiety.
- Very high dopamine is found is schizophrenics. It’s also found in the manic behavior associated with bipolar disorder, and creates hypersocial and hypersexual behavior. Often people with bipolar disorder are reluctant to take medication, because they don’t want to give up those highs, even though the lows of depression are so painful.
- Dopamine is thought to play an important role in creativity, because it increases general arousal and decreases latent inhibition. Imagine decreased inhibitions from alcohol, added to the natural disinhibiting effects of dopamine, and it’s no wonder women make poor choices for short-term gratification.
- People with antisocial personality disorders are thought to have dysfunctional dopamine reward systems, causing them to pursue the reward without regard for consequences, no matter how terrible.
- Both sexes are vulnerable to the effects of dopamine, which creates some unholy pairings. Men who embrace risk-seeking and novelty are rewarded by the dopamine cycle. They in turn, attract women who share the same propensity. This is especially true in adolescence.
The following is an exert from an article posted in the LA Times, speaking on "Brains in Love".
“Alas, when it comes to choosing mates, smart neurons can make dumb choices. Sure, if the brain’s owner is in her 40s and has been around the block a few times, she might grab her bag and scram. If the guy has reached seasoned middle age, he might think twice about that cleavage-baring temptress. Wisdom — at least a little — does come with experience.
But if the objects of desire are in their 20s, all bets are off. A lot will depend on the influence of Mom and Dad’s marriage, the gossip and urgings of friends, and whether life experience has convinced these two brains that what they’re looking at is attractive. She just might sidle over to Mr. Wrong and bat her eyes. And he could well give in to temptation.”
Men are just as susceptible to women when it comes to feeling attraction during periods of risk or danger. Again, Brains in Love:
“Aron conducted a study in 1974 at the gorgeous but spine-chilling heights of the Capilano Canyon Suspension Bridge in Vancouver, British Columbia — a 5-foot wide, 450-foot, wobbly, swaying length of wooden slats and wire cable suspended 230 feet above rocks and shallow rapids.
His research team waited as unsuspecting men, between ages 18 and 35 and unaccompanied by women, crossed over. About halfway across the bridge, each man ran into an attractive young woman claiming to be doing research on beautiful places. She asked him a few questions and gave him her phone number in case he had follow-up questions.
The experiment was repeated upriver on a bridge that was wide and sturdy and only 10 feet above a small rivulet. The same attractive coed met the men, brandishing the same questionnaire.
The result? Men crossing the scary bridge rated the woman on the Capilano bridge more attractive. And about half the men who met her called her afterward. Only two of 16 men on the stable bridge called.”
That would explain the corollary of Bad Boy susceptibility: Why do men always seem to go for psycho b*tches? Guys say they hate drama, but they always go back for more. Dopamine!
It doesn’t matter where the risk originates. A couple may feel a mutual surge of attraction after riding a roller coaster together, or running out of a burning building together. You have an experience that gets your heart thumping, you look at the person you are with, and you define that feeling as attraction. Dr. Alex Benzer, author of The Tao of Dating, says that you can create opportunities to deliberately increase dopamine:
To evoke those feelings [of attraction], you want to engage in novel, exciting, physically and emotionally arousing activities, and pepper those activities with touch and direct eye-gazing. If you try to do those all at the same time, you may feel overwhelmed and look silly to boot. Better just to know that these are the things that you should be doing, and do them regularly until they are second nature.
I really don’t think it’s necessary to go bungee jumping or skydiving. Being unpredictable and spontaneous can trigger a dopamine rush. Do something new, impulsive, edgy, maybe even something forbidden. This is why people have sex in public! So do it in the stairwell. Go skinny dipping in the apartment pool late at night. Make a meal and eat it naked in bed.
As added insurance, there are also foods that increase dopamine levels:
avocados
bananas
dairy products
sesame seeds/ almonds
Perhaps at some point we’ll be able to pop a dopamine pill that will have us hovering nicely between depressed and schizophrenic, and we’ll be free to choose partners based on traits other than the really bad and scary ones. In the meantime, it’s reassuring to know that experience teaches valuable lessons. As young women mature, most learn via heartbreak or humiliation that the traits of narcissism, risk-seeking and deceit are not conducive to good relationships. Young men with healthy psychological profiles can either wait it out, or work to introduce an erotic edge of danger all their own.So as you can see, our infatuation with bad boys, may not be up to us.