Romantic relationships are one of the common goals we all share in life. Sure there are those who claim not to want a relationship, but given the circumstance of them meeting the right person, and that pessimistic ideal will be sure to change. People get into relationships for all types of reasons, some venture into them for the right reasons, and others for the wrong, which is what will be focused on in this article. Here are the top ten wrong reasons to be in a relationship:
LONELINESS/DEPRESSION
A lot of people get into relationships for this reason. We see it romanticized on television and in movies, where the lonely man or woman is on a hunt to find the perfect man, and in the end he/she finds them and they live happily ever after.
When people enter into relationships for these reasons, they often feel worthless or like they are missing something when they are single. This emptiness and desperation to be treated as special make them get into relationships fast, something that happens way too often in the gay community. We meet a guy, known him for a couple of weeks or two months, and we're already calling him "baby", "daddy"; believing he is the one, when in actuality the loneliness and desperation has clouded our judgement, and completely overridden the thought that it could just be infatuation.
FRIENDS
Friends can be extremely influential in our love lives. This doesn't mean that they are directly setting us up on blind dates, but when someone is surrounded by people they call friends, and they are all in relationships, the person tends to want to be in on the action. They wonder "Everyone else has someone, so why not me? What's wrong with me?" This leads to the aforementioned reason, them feeling lonely, which results in them settling for less than what they truly deserve. When it comes to matters of the heart, don't be impulsive, be decisive, this is your mental health at stake, because some men will end up trying, or driving you insane.
DISTRACTION FROM PROBLEMS
Sometimes we get into relationships to avoid issues that are going on within our lives, within our psyche. Maybe someone has had a bad childhood, or another situation that has affected them, and so they try to avoid facing the issue by focusing on something else, a relationship.
Some may jump right into another relationship, after having a bad breakup, or a long-term relationship that was less than pleasant. They don't want to deal with the problems that still plague them from their previous relationship, and in some cases they've become dependent on needing a significant other to keep their self-esteem alive and thriving. These relationships may bring passion, purpose and excitement in the short term, but fail to survive as they are not based on love. Focus on your issues, deal with them head on, and once you are together mentally, then proceed with finding that special someone. You don't want to be deemed as being "crazy as hell" to all your partner's friends and family.
PRESSURE TO SETTLE DOWN
Now that DOMA has been abolished, and more states affording same-sex couples the opportunity to get married, we are now experiencing the same pressure as our heterosexual counterparts.
Often we are pressured to be in a relationship by our family, friends, associates, and even "time" itself. We begin to feel as though we've been single long enough, time is ticking, our looks will soon fade, and begin to question, "Who will want us then?"
Our family and friends begin to put thoughts in our minds, putting pressure on us to settle down with this one, or that one, but the only voice we should be listening to-is our own. Relationships for the sake of society or because everyone says you should, frequently only last for a short amount of time, and then you're back where you were to begin with. An endless cycle of failed relationships, each one taking a part of who you are.
NEED FOR/NEED TO SUPPORT
Sometimes we are looking for support, and where else do we turn? To romantic relationships. In the gay community, some of us may not have the support we need due to our families and some of our friends not being in agreeance with our homosexuality, so the only one who would understand would be a significant other. Some of us, specifically bottoms, get into relationships looking for someone who will take care of them, mainly financially. This can also go the opposite way, some people feel the need to take care of someone because it gives them a sense of pride, a sense of "look what I've done".
What happens when the relationship ends, and that support is no longer there? You've invested so much time into being there for someone else, that your identity is now wrapped in who they are, and their drama. Not cool. And what if you were in a relationship for the financial gain? If you didn't play your cards right, get acquainted with the proper connects and establish independency while in the relationship, you are now fucked. You're back to being broke, and once again on the prowl for your next "come up". Stop it! Never let someone else control your independence, you've already got the government doing their fair share, you don't need a controlling lunatic adding to it.
NEED OF PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Some men just want to be guaranteed a nut at the end of every day, and by venturing into a relationship-that is one way they can make this happen. They've been so sexually starved, and may have ideals that go against having casual sex with multiple partners. Getting into a relationship for sexual reasons of any kind, usually never create a solid foundation for a good, long-lasting relationship. Your left and right hands work wonders, and with the abundance of free porn on the internet these days, you can virtually sleep with a different person every night, STD free.
GETTING INTO RELATIONSHIPS OUT OF SYMPATHY/GUILT
Some people have a way of making you feel sorry for them. Their life story is filled with people letting them down, abuse, addiction, abandonment, and several other issues; and as a compassionate person, you being feeling bad for them. Their last relationship was nothing less than tumultuous, and somehow they make us feel obligated to them, and we feel the need to be their support, their lover, their superhero.
We may feel guilty for not having the same romantic feelings for them, as they do for us, and agree to date them as we don't want to be the next one to disappoint them. We don't want to add to their list of horrors in life. However we must put our happiness first as it takes two, and in today's "open" society, maybe more people to make up a relationship; and all parties have to be happy and willing participants. Venturing into a relationship out of sympathy or guilt, will leave you unhappy and longing for more because that person ultimately isn't the one you wanted, you are the one they wanted.
HE IS A CHALLENGE
We love to seek things that are out of our range, and we apply that to relationships. Sometimes we deem people to be a challenge because we don't feel worthy of them, whether it be because of their looks, the way their former lovers looked, their social status, personality, etc. Winning over such a person would be a great accomplishment in our lives, especially if they've made us work hard for their heart; we've achieved what we once thought was the unachievable, but what happens after we conquer that challenge? Reality sets in, and you realize that what you were chasing wasn't all that great to being with. Damn.
GETTING CAUGHT UP IN INFATUATION
I'm sure we've all been in this situation, or should I say I have. You meet a guy in a club or at another social gathering, and on initial meeting you begin to feel like you may want to keep him around for a while. You exchange numbers, and soon thereafter, the two of you are enjoying each other's company. But after a while, once what was thought of as cute is now thought of as annoying. His physical appeal doesn't turn you on as much because his personal traits are all you can see. This is why homosexual relationships are measured in shorter time frames than heterosexual ones.
I cannot count how many times myself or people I've known, have gotten caught up in infatuation, and totally misjudged the other person. Take the time to get to know someone before dating them exclusively, and especially before calling them your boyfriend, having them meet your loved ones, and friends. You don't want to look like a fool to yourself as well as others, when he's no longer around a week after being introduced to everyone.
CONVENIENCE
Plain and simple don't do this, it makes you look cheap, and as gentlemen our worth is nothing less than priceless. Some men get into relationships out of convenience, meaning what they can get from the affair. Maybe a guy is a DJ, a club promoter, manager at a specific establishment. Some people seek out these types of men for the benefits of being with them. But what's the point of wasting your time dating someone whom you know you aren't genuinely interested in? You don't have to be someone's boyfriend to get these perks, either get your finances in order so you can do it all for yourself, or learn the art of networking, and being friends with these people. Some people make way better friends than lovers, and it's better to not play with people's hearts.
While these reasons are listed here, they are not set in stone. Some people who embark on relationships for the above reasons can actually have a successful relationship come out of them. But if this is a pattern for you, and it seems as though none of the relationships work out, and at the end of the day you're still alone, it's time to do some self reflecting. The best relationship in life we could ever have is the one we have with ourselves, so focus on building that first, before starting one with someone else.
What are some other wrong reasons to be in a relationship? Have you ever found yourself, or known someone whose been in any of these situations? What was the outcome?