He's attractive, intelligent, successful, independent, and harbors all of the qualities you've been searching for in a man. You can't believe you've met such an amazing guy, who seems to think the same about you.
Since the initial meeting the two of you have been inseparable. All day long he consistently sends you text messages giving you a play-by-play of his daily fortunes/mishaps, and when afforded the opportunity, he calls you for a more personal form of communication. Despite you having known him for such a small amount of time, you begin to think that this could develop into something serious.
You meet up several times a week for dates which are filled with good conversation, enjoyable activities, and at the end of each date you feel as though the two of you have grown closer. Things are really clicking with this guy, so much that you become cautiously optimistic. You've become Facebook friends, you're following one another on Twitter and Instagram, but have still managed to keep things casual. Your family, friends, and co-workers keep catching you grinning from ear to ear whenever you read one of his texts, which leads you to start telling everyone who matters to you, about this new man in your life whose been keeping you in good spirits for the last month or so.
When someone asks if you’re seeing anyone, you probably answer with "I don't know...well…kinda, sorta…maybe…? Yes, I am!” Around this time you may begin trying to define the status of your non-existent relationship--within your head, "Is there some potential here?" You start envisioning spending lazy evenings together, movie nights at home, cuddled up with popcorn and your favorite candy. If you haven't done so already, you wonder what it'd be like to wake up in the morning and have his mesmerizing eyes glaring back at you. Infatuation has got you.
Just when you’ve begun to let your guard down, and have come to the conclusion that you may have met one of the few good men out there, Poof!--he disappears. Suddenly you find yourself glaring at the screen of your phone, waiting for him to reappear for the encore, but he never does.
At first you begin to worry. "Is he okay?" "Has he gotten into an accident?" What if he's in the hospital? I don't know any of his contacts numbers, so how will I know about the status of his well-being?" You wait for a little while before the Inspector Gadget siren click, and you remember that the two of you are Facebook friends.
You log on and see that he's liked someones' status a couple of hours ago. Okay so he's not dead or incapable of reaching out to you, so what's the issue? You now feel a sense of relief, followed by confusion and a mild case of anger.
Okay so maybe it's still not his fault, maybe your phone is the issue, after all it has been acting weird lately. Maybe to him you look like the asshole who abruptly stopped communicating with him! Maybe he’s been texting you, you never received them, therefore you haven’t replied, and now he’s backed off thinking you are no longer interested! You reach out to a friend or family member and ask them to text you. You receive their message, so it's not your phone...now what?!
You begin to replay your last few conversations and dates with him to see where things may have gone wrong. Was it something crazy you said during dinner? Maybe he now thinks your a future candidate for being in a padded room. Sure you're a little eclectic, but that's what people love about you, and according to him, that is one of the things he liked most about you.
Man fuck this bullshit! I’m cool as hell! Who wouldn’t want to talk to me, and why is he acting this way?
You begin to feel like a fool. How could you have let your guard down so quick? It's been such a long time since you've seriously dated someone due to all the liars, fakes, and flakes you've run into over the years. You want answers and you want them immediately!
Unfortunately it isn't that easy because he refuses to respond to any of your messages or phone calls, so what now?
At this point you need to come to the realization that he just wasn't that into you. If a guys wants to call, he will, and nothing will stop him. Not a hectic week at work, a close friend or family member being in the hospital..nothing, unless he's in jail and being comforted by a cellmate the size of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It's not because of an ex or someone new. He isn't calling because he doesn't want to. A lot of men don't have the courage to tell you that they are no longer interested. As cowardly as it may be, maybe he hasn't contacted you because he wants to avoid confrontation, and with silence on his part--there is no arguing.
If a man has back-to-back meetings at work, he'll call you on his way into the office or send you funny text/emails throughout the day to make sure you don't forget about him. If his past relationships have hurt him, he'll be willing to put himself out there again for you because you are worth the risk. If his cell phone battery dies, he'll borrow a friend's mobile to call you or text you from. If he can't do that, you'll be the first person he contacts as soon as he plugs in his phone to charge. He will do whatever he has to do, to make sure you are aware of your role in his life.
Over the years I have adopted a strict policy against dating these magicians. I call it the “it’s your loss” philosophy. In doing so I’ve shortened the shock/denial/anger/acceptance/moving routine, and am back on my feet within hours, a day or two at the max.
Embracing this mindset will make your dating experience much less stressful and frustrating. Sure, it might still sting when a guy says he'll call you to make plans and never does; rejection of any kind is never fun. But instead of dissecting his every move with your friends, obsessing and wondering where you went wrong, you'll be able to shrug it off as not your problem. He didn't want to call you--and who really cares why? No time to worry about that! Think of it this way. Do you really want to start a relationship with someone you have to convince to be with you? Someone who isn't 110% into you? Someone who forgets about you when they have a busy day at work, or puts you on the back burner until it's convenient for them? Hell no!
- Don't call or text him repeatedly.
- Do not wait by the phone. There's too much to do, and to many men out there to do. He isn't checking for you, so why are you waiting around for him?
- Stress over why he hasn't called. It's a waste of precious time that could be used for more productive activities.
- Stalk him on social media. This will make you even more obsessive over why he hasn't called. Seeing his status updates, "likes," and the such will drive the knife in deeper that he isn't thinking about you.
- Don't question his friends/family on his whereabouts. It makes you look crazy, and most importantly they are going to go back and tell him about the awkward conversation.
- Don't continue to ask him what's wrong. If he wants to continue acting like a immature fool, let him gift that bullshit to the next man. You haven't been dating long enough to put up with unnecessary drama.
- As hard as it may be, don't sulk in sadness. There is too much to accomplish. Go out with your friends, volunteer, have a day of pampering, do whatever you have to do to fill up your time, preventing depression.
- Most importantly, if he does decide to finally contact you, take your time responding to him. You need to ask yourself if this man whose been ditching you for days, weeks or months, deserves your time.
If he wants to disappear, let him!