A common goal we all have as human beings is self-acceptance. Out of the billions of people on earth, at times we are our most harshest critics, and what makes it even worse is that we cannot escape ourselves. When other people ridicule us for our looks, personality traits, or for any other reason, the effect of their judgement usually only last for as long as we are around that person. In said situation, we can easily dismiss their criticism as just their opinion, being one that doesn't matter, but it is different when the critic is staring back at you in the mirror.
Over the years I have met some beautiful men who from outward appearance, looked as though they loved themselves.They took pride in who they were, and had the perception of finally reaching that stage in life of self-acceptance. They had rewarding careers, and were always the center of attention. They were a people type person, intelligent, independent, and they had no problem getting men to look their way, but if only the world would have known what was going on in their mind. Some people seek to attain materialistic things to try and fix or mask their insecurities. Some feel as though by being the life of the party, no one will be able to tell that inside they feel alone, unwanted, and like the world doesn't care about them as a person.
When someone makes a remark about us that is less than positive, it is only as powerful as we allow it to be. If they judge us on something that we are critical of ourselves, the knife cuts even deeper than if they judged us on something that we don't see as a problem within ourselves. Growing up I was always one of the shortest people in my class. As my friends who were close to my height, and I approached puberty-they all began to get taller at a fast rate, but my growth seemed to progress at a slower pace. By the end of my senior year in high school, I was 5'2" and my friends were 5'9", 5'11", and in the 6-foot range. I had never been picked on as I come from a large family, and my cousins as well as my friends were very protective of me. Sure people may have tried to make fun of my height, but I would always have a comeback for it, and to me I didn't see it as a flaw. I had heard all of the "short" jokes, and being that I was comfortable with myself, cute, and accepting of the way God made me, the jokes went right over my head, literally. Now if I had harshly judged my own self on my height, the comments would have bothered me, and killed me internally because it would have added to the voice that was already inside. In many instances it is our own self-judgement and feelings of inadequacy, not what the other person thinks, that adds to us not accepting ourselves.
In life what we don't like about others, may be what we don't like about ourselves. For instance, you're having a night out on the town with a friend, and your friend immediately starts talking about others for the way they are dressed in the club, or for the way they are dancing. You think to yourself, "Are you serious, you act and dress the same damn way." This would be a moment of revelation for someone. Looking inside yourself to see if the characteristics you dislike in others, are ones you display yourself. Once you recognize that you do possess those same qualities, it is up to you to either accept yourself for who you are, or figure out ways to change your own behavior, if those characteristics are ones you don't feel comfortable with.
Sometimes we look at others with envy, and we resent them for achieving such great things because it reminds us of our own shortcomings. We begin to critique them on everything that they do, no matter if it's great, we'll find fault in it, to avoid our own feelings of inadequacy. But instead of us dwelling on the negative, we should instead be focusing on the positive. Instead look at their accomplishments with the attitude of, "Well if God can help them achieve their goals, I know He can do the same for me." When we judge people sometimes it is to avoid our own feelings of discomfort with the situation and not understanding why we feel the way we do. This could lead to worse problems later on in life. This does not mean that we should approve of everything other people do, because there are certain behaviors that are just unacceptable in society. But instead of judgement, feelings of understanding will begin to kick into gear, and you will feel compassion for others, even if their behavior is not the most outstanding. I always try to understand both sides of a situation even if I view the person's behavior to be atrocious.
Once I was dating this guy who was absolutely captivating. He was 5'9", golden-brown complexion, deep brown-almond shaped eyes, long natural lashes, full-lips, and with an ass and hips to match. We were the same age and as we began to get closer he revealed to me how many sexual partners he had been involved with before meeting me. In the moment I was thinking, "Damn we are the same age and you've had some kind of sexual contact with that many?!" Once I began to discover his insecurities, despite being handsome, and being the type of dude who commanded attention in any room-based solely on his appearance; I no longer looked at him as a whore, but as someone who was trying to self medicate the only way he knew how. All of these men represented the many times the self-judgement became so strong, that he needed something or someone to help him overcome those unbearable feelings.
When people ask me what my goals are in life, I always make it a point to include self-acceptance, being one hundred percent comfortable with the things I cannot change, as the things I could change I have over the course of my life. But how do we get to a point of self-acceptance, and no longer allow our personal demons to antagonize us? Here are a couple of ways to finally look in the mirror, every day, and love yourself from the inside, out.
FOCUS ON YOUR POSITIVE QUALITIES
Instead of constantly focusing on the negative things that we cannot change, or are a work in progress, why not take the same amount of time, and focus on our best qualities. Focusing on what makes you unique, what people compliment you on the most, mixed in with what you feel good about will help you to step out the door in the morning with your best foot forward. Change is apart of life, and it is encouraged that you evolve and change as you grow older, and changing what you don't like about yourself is perfectly fine. But don't forget to propose a toast to the positive attributes.
COMBAT NEGATIVE THINKING WITH POSITIVE THINKING
If a person tells you that they are always in a good spirits, they are either insane or lying, because no one is always in a cheerleading mood. Therefore it is okay to be in a bad mood, but when the hour is 1 o'clock in the morning, or another let down in life has come your way, on top of all of the other bad coincidences that seem to have plagued you, don't let them defeat your quest for self-acceptance. Begin to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. The best way to do so, is to have affirmations, or sayings of positive reinforcement on hand. "God will put no more on me than I can bear", "I'm glad to be alive and grateful for all of the good that has come my way", "I am intelligent", "I am confident", "I am beautiful", don't wait for others to reaffirm who you are, but do it for yourself on a daily.
ACCEPT YOUR IMPERFECTIONS
There are things about ourselves that we will never be able to change, more so physical, unless we have plastic surgery. Don't dwell on them, accept them, embrace them as a part of what makes you who you are. Remember that no judgement can override God's acceptance of who you are. You were made in His image, made to His liking, and for that-you should be proud. No one can undermine God's compliment.
COMPLIMENT YOURSELF
This sort of goes with affirmations, but it cannot be stressed enough. When you step out of the shower, take time to look at yourself in the nude. Notice those things about yourself that you know drive the men wild. When you get dressed in the morning, or to go out to a social gathering, compliment your own outfit. If you've handled a situation in an admirable way, or achieved a great accomplishment at work, don't be afraid to compliment yourself in the moment. Don't feel as though you need someone else to help you celebrate you. Have a celebratory drink alone, take yourself out to dinner, rejoice in you.
DON'T FOCUS ON OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR DECISIONS
You will never be able to appease everyone, no matter what you do. What one friend might feel is the right decision, the next might think it's the wrong decision. Learn to take other people's opinions as a part of the decision making process, but remember that this is your life, and you have the final say-so. If you do what everyone else wants you to do, you'll end up living the life they want you to live, and not living the one you were destined to thrive in. And in the end you will be the one who is left unhappy.
STOP WORRYING
I don't have time to be depressed, worried, and stressed, those things just aren't on my agenda, and neither should they be on yours. Having these feelings never help the situation, and just add to the negativity surrounding you. Get on your feet, and begin acting.The sooner you act, the sooner your situation will turn around.
KNOW THAT YOU'VE DONE YOUR BEST
When you've done what you were supposed to do, and did it to the best of your ability, under no one else's expectations, you should be proud.