So you've been thinking about it for some time now. That guy you met at the bar the other night. The muscle head at the gym on Wednesday who asked you to spot him, and then gave you his number in case you ever needed a "workout" workout partner. The coworker who doesn't work in your department, but makes it a point to maneuver his way towards your desk to spark up a conversation about the most meaningless shit. Yes the temptation has been driving you wild, and although you've got a man at home, your hormones are on fire, and unfortunately the only way to calm them down is to have sex with someone new, someone who isn't your boyfriend.
Cheating is the ultimate taboo, and if you are the transgressor the word evokes feelings of excitement, momentary pleasure, secrecy, lies, guilt, disappointment, and self-gratification. Cheating is an act of selfishness, but sometimes our desires have to take number one priority, while our caveman tendencies unknowingly guide us into sometimes unforgivable circumstances. Studies show that 72% of those who cheat have been cheated on, and that most men cheat to fulfill their sexual fantasies.
No matter how happy we are in a relationship, when hard times come, almost everyone has thought once or twice, about what it would be like to be with someone else, and for some the appeal of their fantasies are too hot to ignore. Before you even step out on your partner, there are things you need to know, common mistakes made by men that need to be addressed, as to ensure your affair goes with you to the grave. Or at least until the love the two of you once shared turns into hate and before throwing up the deuces, you can scream, "Bitch that's why I cheated on you!"
One of the easiest places to find a potential is on the internet. It's easy to snap a photo, upload it, create a quick bio, and wait for the wild-pack to come to you, but be careful as computers store every move you make, something known as your web browser history. Whether the computer is one that you share with your lover or your own personal laptop, it is always important to erase your steps, as you never know why your partner may need to use your computer. Hell you may carelessly forget that you've been visiting Adam4Adam on the low, and hand him your computer, he strokes the letter "A" with his index finger, and your search engine immediately picks up on the forbidden site. No matter what, cover all of your tracks, at all times.
One of the easiest ways to prevent someone else from viewing your browser history is to use "private browsing". On many browsers there is a built-in "Privacy Mode" that will assist you in your devious ways. Be sure to delete all usernames and passwords to all accounts related to cheating before logging off of your PC.
Another way to easily get caught is through a cell phone. While many phones have locks on them that prevent others from snooping, when you're in a relationship sometimes we share our passwords with our lovers, or through snooping over our shoulders, they learn the codes to our main line of communication with "potentials". If you still own a house phone, never-ever use that line to make a late night run-through. Landlines don't have a locking system on them, so if you live with your man, or he's over visiting, that phone rings, and the voice on the other line says, "Hey baby," you are in deep shit.
When it comes to cell phones, although the majority of them can be set in "security mode", always delete two things, your call log, and your text messages. Our phones are usually attached to our hips, but every now and then we may drop them, they fall out of our pockets, and are left at our lover's house, so it's important to keep it locked, and deleted. Once you read a text message, delete it immediately thereafter, leaving no evidence behind. Cell phone providers such as Sprint even make it possible for you to block someone from calling you, and yet allow them to still send you text messages. In cases where your boyfriend may be in the same vicinity as you, text messaging is valuable because it allows you to carry on a conversation, set up plans to meet, and remain under the radar, without having to go into another room. Just remember to delete the messages as soon as the conversation is over.
If you are in a relationship where you share a bank account with your man, never use a shared credit card to pay for anything related to the affair.Your best bet is to get a pre-paid debit card, and load it up with enough money to cover hotel expenses, dinner, drinks, and a little extra cash for other incidentals. If you are drawing money from a shared bank account to load onto the pre-paid card, never draw too much money out at once. Withdraw a little here, and a little there, as to not tip your lover off into inquiring about the large sums of money that you are withdrawing from the account, and what your intentions are with using them. Keep the pre-paid card in a safe place, and by safe I don't mean your wallet, or your glove compartment, but rather your desk or locker at work.
Never tell anyone about your secret affair, whether it be your friends, coworkers, or family members because once your lover becomes suspicious, he will go through whoever he has to, to get the information he needs. Many times we believe that our best-friends have our backs, but you never know when a snake is lying in the grass, waiting for the perfect time to sink his fangs into your situation, and poison everything you've worked so hard on keeping quarantined.
One of the easiest ways to find someone to cheat with is online, but beware of the information and photos you post in your profile. If you are going to post a photo, it is best to post one that only shows your torso, or ones of your genitals, or buttocks. If you have any beauty marks, or tattoos in those areas, cover them up any way you can, whether it be with Photo Shop, or tattoo makeup, it will save you the trouble of one of your man's friends seeing your profile online, and identifying you by that tatt on your thigh. Also when creating a profile embellish your stats just a little, so if you're 160lbs, type that you are 165lbs. If you're 6'0", post that you are 6'1", this way it diverts any searches that are specifically designed to find you.
It is also a good rule of thumb to make a profile on multiple sites, as to attract as many men as possible. Some men may be flakes, so you need backups who are as equally ready to have intercourse when you want it.
Another wise decision would be to choose someone to cheat with who does not live in the same city as you, preferably someone who is from a neighboring state. This is smart because it lessens the chance that you will run into that person while out on a romantic date, or while out at the club with your boyfriend. You never know what some men will do, if they will approach you while you're out with your lover, even if they are perfectly aware of your situation. Some people believe that it is better to have an affair with someone who has just as much to lose as you do. Therefore they are more likely to assist you in keeping the deceit between the sheets, a confidential agreement between the two of you.
When you've been with someone for a long time, they begin to learn your patterns, the way you do things, and what your priorities are. If you've been with a guy for two years, and have never stepped foot into a gym, a GNC, or the one to have a cabinet full of protein bars, don't begin to do so out of the blue. Instead, incorporate your lover into your new regimen, ask them to join you in going to the gym, or eating a certain diet. This way if they choose to leave you to your "new fitness" lifestyle, it won't tip them off that you are working out to impress someone else.
Also don't change your personality, becoming increasing critical of your boyfriend, or being overly sentimental. If you've never been the one to send flowers to your man on a regular, don't start now, as they will begin to wonder what has brought about such a change. If you are feeling guilty about having an affair, either regroup and figure out a less obvious way to ease and subside that guilt, or simply stop having an affair.
Another reason lovers begin to suspect their partners of cheating is due to changes in the bedroom. If the two of you are used to having sex two or three times a day, and now it's two or three times a week, without any reason such as work, suspicions may arise. The same goes for introducing new moves into the bedroom. Keep the freaky things you do with your friend-lover separate from those you do with the love of your life.
If you once used a specific brand and style of condoms, don't switch it up one day, as this could cause red flags. If you and your partner have a sexual relationship where condoms are never used, don't be a fool like Chad Johnson, purchase them, and hide them in your car, the same automobile that your boyfriend gets into when you take him out for dinner. Instead insist that the person you are carrying on the affair with, purchase protection, that way the condoms are stored at their residence, and there are no traces of evidence left behind anywhere near your kingdom.
Finally, don't get so hooked on the ass or dick that you decide to up and leave your partner for the other person. Sure they seem a lot better than the one you're with, and borderline perfect, because you only spend a minimal amount of time with them. Go ahead, leave your current boyfriend for the one you were cheating on him with, and I bet you will end up in the same fucked up situation, or one that's even greater. No relationship is perfect, it's just all smoke an mirrors with your secret gentleman.
A lot of people don't understand cheating, and thinks it's as easy as, "If you don't want to be with someone, just leave them," but relationships are more complicated than those eleven words. And with people cheating for reasons such as:
- Some people have a fear of commitment/ intimacy and so they may cheat to keep themselves from getting too attached, to avoid being controlled, or to avoid feelings of suffocation.
- A lack of monogamous examples in one's childhood can affect how they view relationships. If someone was raised by a single mother who always had men coming in and out of her life, the child may grow up to think that-that is the norm. If a child sees their father continuously cheating on their mother, but they never see the consequences of such actions, they may deem his behavior as something that is acceptable for men to do.
- Opportunity is probably the simplest reason as some men cheat just because they could.
- Sexual dissatisfaction in a relationship or lack of intimacy.
- A low self-esteem. Some men seek out sex as a means of validating their attractiveness or self-worth.
- Sexual addiction, someone who cannot control their impulses, sexual abuse, or the inclusion of alcohol and drugs which may impair one's judgement.
- A means to get back at their partner for something they have done, whether it was sexual or non-sexual.
- Unfulfillment in ones' relationship, feeling unwanted or unloved creating an emotional distance. When someone feels an emotional disconnect, they will seek refuge elsewhere, and that could lead to physical infidelity.
- Social pressure, the media idealizes gay culture as being all about sex, influencing some men's decisions.
- Boredom
- Lack of gay role models, friends, or relatives who are monogamous.
Who are we to judge.