“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
― Steve Maraboli
As 2013 comes to a close, many people whom I've come into contact with this year have made my annual "cut-list." People whom I've known for years, some of whom I've known for months, and some I've only come across online--they've served their purpose and it's time to look toward the future filled with new faces and new experiences.
There are many reasons why I let go of people, the main reason being one of self discovery, and becoming more aware of who I am, what I want out of life, the progress I've made and the changes I predict happening in the near future.
When you start to envision your life going in a different direction, many of times you have to reevaluate those surrounding you. Maybe the way they live their lives is no longer aligned with the beliefs and values that have grown to become near and dear to you. I for one am not the most submissive when it comes to change, I hate change, therefore the process of eliminating people out of my life is a real struggle.
It can be hard being left with memories of them, and missing those shared moments, but it's those moments that you must cherish while continuing to move forward--never looking back.
Eliminate drama and negativity--I realized years ago that the more people I allow into my life, the more drama occurs. When you are spending significant amounts of time with someone who is constantly being negative, more than likely their personality trait will rub off on you. It's a known fact that the company you keep do play a role in who you become as a person, and do you really want to be angry, bitter, resentful and messy 24/7.
WHY IT MAY BE TIME TO LET GO
PERSONAL GROWTH--It's a part of life, we mature, we change, and sometimes those around us remain the same.
The conflict doesn't arises in the change itself, but it becomes a problem with the other party doesn't accept and understand the person whom you've grown to become. When this happens, conflict is inevitable.
What was right for you at a certain point in life, may not necessarily be what's right for you in the present. Sometimes the struggle isn't with the other person, but it's within ourselves. It can be hard realizing that you have changed, and have to proceed from point A and navigate your way to Z.
FEAR--This is my biggest Achilles heel because change means uncertainty. However part of letting go and moving on is facing the fears and disappointments of the past that have kept you in unsatisfactory situations. Whether it's a job, relationship or a friendship, you deserve better.
YOU RESIDE IN YOUR PAST-Sometimes we have nothing going on in the present, that we continue to live in the past to stay alive, but this is a huge mistake. If all you do is attempt to relive something that has already happened, you’re missing out on what's going on in the present! The mental space you create by letting go of things that are already behind you gives you the ability to fill the space with something fresh and fun.
GRUDGE THE GRUDGE--Let them go, it isn't worth and allowing someone to affect you for the rest of your life gives them the power. Holding on to the heavy load of anger, resentment and hatred not only binds you, but it also blocks your present blessings and opportunities. Take the lessons you've learned from the situation and move forward with your life.
Knowledge--Living is learning, therefore if you aren't experiencing change, you aren't learning anything.
HOW TO LET GO
ACCEPT AND MOVE ON--In order to let go, you must first be thankful for the experience no mater if it were a positive one or one filled with negativity. Both experiences have helped you grow and brought you to the current state for which you are in. It’s this moment where you being to accept everything you have, the things you once had, and things you will obtain in the future. It’s all about blocking out fear and embracing life’s unpredictable changes. Trust yourself and realize that every experience in life has value.
MOMENT OF CLARITY--Sometimes I just need a moment to gather my thoughts, it's one of the reasons that I've kept a journal since my adolescent years. Often times you need to take several steps back and think on the situation in order to gain some clarity. Once you have momentarily removed yourself from the situation, you will no longer act on impulse, but rather on logic. When your mind is clear, return to the situation with a new set of eyes.
CHANGE ISN'T ALWAYS POSSIBLE--Realize that not everything in life is meant to be changed or understood. Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change. So many times people spend years on a friendship or relationship waiting for the other person to change (I've been guilty myself) when in reality that person may never change. Why so, when they see nothing wrong with who they are? Instead, focus your energy on what you can change, and if you can’t change something you don’t like, change the way you think about it or leave it completely! If you've chosen to leave it, define what you didn't like about the arrangement and make that a starting point for achieving something better.
OWN IT--You are in full control of your life so long as you claim it and own it, therefore don't let anyone rule the kingdom you were blessed with. We are constantly blaming everyone else, instead of looking within and seeing what role we may have played. We place blame on our parents, our exes, friends, the government, society, etc., but never do we take responsibility. It’s never our fault, right…
Sorry to break the delusional bubble you live within, but it’s always your fault, because if you want change, you are the only person who can make that happen.
FOCUS--I am all about helping others, but after I help myself. Some people see it as selfish, but if I don't make sure that I am okay-first, how can I be healthy enough to take care of others.
In life you must constantly be on "review." This is a technique I use on a daily basis, one in which I take note of who I am, my current lifestyle, and if I am truly living the life that I want. If you come to the realization that the life you're leading is not the one you want, make changes. Create a plan of action, and make the adjustments until the life you've envisioned begins to take form.
CHANGE YOUR INNER CIRCLE--I cannot express this enough, that the company you keep often can either motivate you and support you, or they can bring you down. Even if you run into someone whose role in life has been one of support, providing you with the strength to move on, maybe that was their deed in life, and it's perfectly okay to let that relationship go. In some instances there are people whom you'll meet who are supposed to be apart of your memory, and not your destiny.
So how can you tell when it's time to let someone go? When you've reached the point where you've bgun compromising your happiness and the the standards for which you hold yourself as well as those around you accountable to--have diminished, it's time to let people go. You may want to follow Drake's motto of no new friends, but it was those new friends of YMCMB who have catapulted him to the level of success he's at now.
NEW DAY--You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future. Seriously, right now! Before 2014 arrives, figure out what the next level in life is, no matter how small or difficult, take on the challenge. Now is the time to step out on faith, and realize that this test will not wait forever. Whether you choose to take it or not is up to you, but your grade of "passing" or "failing" is inevitable. Ultimately, the only thing you can ever really do is to keep moving forward, therefore take the challenge--it's better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all. Take the jump without hesitation, without looking back. That new job, the possibility of a new relationship, maybe you want to try dating women, move to a new city, or venture out on a search for a new set of friends. Whatever it is, do yourself a favor and forget the past, look straight ahead and sprint toward a better future.